Sometimes no is not a complete sentence.
Do you struggle with saying no?
Sarah (not her real name) did.
She came to me struggling with the demands of family, work and community.
She did her best to keep everyone happy but she found herself irritable and grumpy a lot of the time.
It was affecting her relationships with her children and her husband. She had trouble sleeping and often found herself using chocolate to numb her feelings. (It’s usually ice cream for me but this is so relatable!)
She dreamt of running away to sit at the beach but felt so guilty for wanting a break.
Sara was overwhelmed. She was over-extended, overgiving and overdoing.
And she was OVER IT.
She felt undeserving and unworthy.
We worked through these beliefs about herself and where they came from.
We released emotions.
We shifted those false beliefs and replaced them with beliefs that empowered her.
This allowed her to take care of herself and begin to do what’s best for her.
Then it was time to put all that into action.
She had to learn how to say no to what wasn’t serving her.
Because she values kindness and compassion, just saying No felt harsh.
It felt unkind.
So for her, no was not complete.
When we shift from pleasing other people and always saying yes to setting boundaries with our time and energy, it can be a shock to our system
So to be compassionate to yourself and to the other person, have a list of ways you can say no gently; ways that honour you AND the other.
Here are 3 ways to say no with kindness
1 I’d love to help. My plate is full right now and if anything changes I’ll let you know.
2 Thank you for thinking of me. I’d like to give it some thought. Let me get back to you.
3 I won’t manage that (big thing) but I can do this (small thing) instead.
Whenever I say no to someone’s request, I always make a dua for them. Allah can provide a way and a means for having their request fulfilled.
This way, no one leaves empty handed.
How do you say no with kindness?
Comment below. I’d love to know.
So much love to you,
Safeera xx
